Life the last month or so has been a big blur. My photography business took off with so many families needing pictures for the holidays. Christmas came and went. The New Year has arrived. And here I am... trying to put together the pieces of what seems like a whirlwind that has hit me over the last month or so.
Amid some good moments, more than a couple glasses of wine and several buckets tears, I am left trying to make sense of it all..
I recall a conversation with Steve about a month ago. I told him, "For the first time in a long time, I am content. I have everything in place. I have a great husband, family and friends. I have the opportunity to stay home with my beautiful children. And have a photography business that allows me to be me."
That is about when my whole world seemed to come crashing down.
"Why?"
"You have the perfect life?"
"What do you have to be sad about?"
Or as my sarcastic husband would say... "You have it soooo rough..."
Tears.
More tears.
We live our whole lives wanting to achieve that next big thing.
We graduate high school... then move on to graduate college.... then get a job... then look for the love of our lives... only to get married... then to have children... then more children.... (not all of us in this order, but you get the idea.)
And now... here I am. I am at the best place in my life where I get to enjoy it all. But somehow I don't know how to. I feel sort of a let down of not having that next big thing to achieve.
It seemed as though the screaming children got louder, the piles of laundry got higher, the dishes got dirtier, and the poopie diapers got smellier. For some reason it didn't all seem as glamorous as I thought it was going to be.
I thought running away would help. I ventured to the beautiful central coast where the sun was shining and the wine was chilled. I scrapbooked, visited with long time friends, the kids played, I gallivanted around Carmel, and took pictures in Salinas. Life was good... for the moment.
And then I came home. The screaming children got even LOUDER... The laundry was HIGHER... The dishes DIRTIER... AND the diapers definitely SMELLIER...
The husband didn't understand.
That's when the tears poured even harder.
I then tried to remember a particular day....
This day...
It was a last minute decision to take the kids to the beach in Carmel. We arrived at about 3 0'clock in the afternoon. It was beautiful for a November day. The sun was shining. The water was warm. I sat on a blanket and watched the boys play as I enjoyed a glass of wine with a dear friend. That was the life. It was in that moment, I was content.
I wanted every day to be like that one. But unfortunately not every day can be.
But what I am starting to realize is that I need to take more days like that one. Stop and smell the roses, if you will. Because the children are going to cry, poopie diapers are still going to stink and the laundry is never going to stop getting dirty.
However, learning to appreciate it all is definitely the hardest lesson of life.
And I am still learning...
