Sunday, January 8, 2012

Two Thousand and Twelve...

I have been dictating my next blog over and over in my head for a while now. I wanted to write something profound for my first entry of 2012. But instead I am just sitting here with a laptop on my lap..(fancy that) while my husband is channel surfing. I'm bored so I am going to word vomit. My apologies early.

As I reflect on 2011, I realize how I am want to take 2012 by the horns and take control. 2011 was a year filled with some wonderful weddings, some new babies, some great times with a wonderful family, some picture taking...(ok, lots of picture taking), some loneliness, some tears, some heart felt questions on life and even some therapy.

Yes... Loneliness and tears.

How could that be you ask?

I just hit a place in my life where everything was content. I wasn't chasing a college degree, or some trying to earn a big corporate paycheck, or hunting down a husband to be, or fighting cancer, or busy making babies.... Life well... had become everything I ever dreamed of.

I had it all. Or what I thought was having it all. The family, the house financial security and everything short of the white picket fence. So why was I so miserable. Ok, I wasn't that miserable, but I definitely had my moments of pure sadness.

I had a wonderful husband. I had two beautiful boys. An energetic 2 year old and a high maintenance 4 year old. I struggled with finding joy among the screaming, the never-ending dishes, the never-ending laundry, the wiping butts and the lonely days at home with these needy children that I loved so much. Towards the end of 2011 life was spiraling out of control, overworking myself in my photography business, only to make my stress and anxiety sky rocket.

Then there was therapy.

I just needed to vent and feel as though I wasn't crazy.
I am coming to realize that the stereotypical way of life isn't that glamorous. On the inside it is a lot of work, regardless how easy others make it look.

I am willing to admit that I can't do it by myself. I need help. I need time for me. I need to utilize my resources and make it happen. Even if it means spending a little more money on child care. I am not the type to manage 10 kids, or even 2 for that matter. Everyone is different.

So that brings me to 2012.

Bull. Horns. Taking Control.

Yep. I have a pretty rigorous schedule lined up for these kids. Among it, I have two days to myself for work and or errands. Specific individual date days with each of my precious boys, so I can enjoy time with each of them separately. Time with them together for me to enjoy them, unplugged, no computer. I want to hang out with them and have fun with them. Time allowed for dates with my wonderful husband. And most of all ME time... Pedi's, wine and friends.

I can do this.

Putting on my big girl panties.
Changing my attitude.

Gonna rock it.

I'm not saying that I am going to not have days of tears of being overwhelmed, but hopefully they will be fewer and farer between in 2012 than they were in 2011.

So, CHEERS to 2012.

Let's rock it together.

What do you think?

2 comments:

Jen and Zac said...

Go get 'em Patty!

Loving you, missing you, hoping you find the perfect balance of fun, stress, and family in you world!

robin said...

yes yes yes and amen amen amen.

you are not crazy. and thanks for posting this because now i feel less crazy.